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Today is the tenth anniversary of Grandma Tanya’s death. She was 75 and spent the last six month of her life in pretty much a catatonic state following a stroke. She died when I was in college, four hours away, on the day her oldest granddaughter Katya came to visit her from Minsk. By all accounts, she showed signs of recognizing Katya and then she quietly died later that night. She was the best person I ever knew, the kindest, patient and warm and wonderful person who was also a greatest cook in the world. I remember thinking when we were moving to America that I didn’t not want to go without her because I would miss her food. I just didn’t want to leave without her. I’m glad she could come with us and I at least got to live with her for six more years. She was always an example of what a person should be and the love someone is capable of giving. She grew up in an orphanage and lived through World War II and did not always have the easiest life but somehow she still had so much positive energy and so much love to give. To me, she was a good contrast to my Mom who is not the easiest person. Babushka Tanya was also the first person I ever lost so it was the first time I had to deal with grief, really. Papa called me early that morning (she died about midnight), I don’t even know what time it was. It was a Sunday, I went to sleep late the night before, and the phone woke me up. I was half asleep and couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. My brain was going a mile a minute. I called Bear right way, I didn’t even realize it was so early. I woke him up (and his roommate probably) and asked him to come over. Yeva wasn’t there that weekend so I was by myself in our dorm. I waited for him in the stairwell, he only lived a building away, but it still took him forever, in my mind, to get there, because I couldn’t think properly. I then had to figure out when was the first bus back to New York so I could go home. That whole day seemed so long. And all I could think about was that my Grandma died. I didn’t cry, I remember that. I think I was just in shock, even as for six month she was in this terrible state. But somehow the idea of her dying, really dying never entered my being. We went to the cemetery today with some flowers. I miss her.

This morning I worked on Chapter 3 of the Hebrew book. It was all about exceptions to pronunciation and more reading rules. It was a good practice and I feel I’m getting more of a handle on it and can recognize letters with less mistakes. Some of the rules were interesting, like the dagesh letters. I think, based on the rules, Hebrew can’t have a word that starts with “f”, it will always be “p”, at least in biblical Hebrew. I think I will do a chapter a week, so as not to get ahead of myself or burn out. Next week we get to basic sentences and some vocab.

I was finally able to do some cross stitching today. I started that ten years ago too in October after Katya and my parents came to visit me in college the weekend following my grandma’s death and we found a craft store. I associate cross stitching with my grandmother and I think I started it in memory of her. I’m doing a small project now and I like the contrast of bright green thread I’m using with grey and red I used before. It is all about the colors.

I was also feeling like a total girl today with spending lots of money on skin care products, money I’d rather spend on books.

Exodus WFT moment of the day: chapters six to ten cover the story up to ninth plague. Aaron completely gets the short stick in the common memory of the story. So Aaron is the older brother by three years and not younger as I thought. But Moses gets all the credit. God is speaking to Moses who then tells Aaron what to do. It was Aaron who was starting off all the plagues by touching the staff to water, for example. It was Aaron who was illustrating God’s power by turning that staff into a snake. So Aaron is doing everything, but because God is speaking to Moses, Moses gets the glory. Also, I was thinking about the events from the pharaoh’s perspective. Every time a plague happens he tells Moses, “Fine, just stop the plague and I will let some go.” So he is negotiating with what are pretty much terrorists to make them stop the attacks. Once the plague stops, he reneges on the promises (and only because God himself hardens pharaoh’s heart. I think God just wanted to do all the plagues to show how big his balls were and he wasn’t risking pharaoh’s capitulation). But the pharaoh is in the really tough position: all his slaves and workforce want to leave and they are killing innocent people and animals through the plagues. What would be a proper response today? Incorrect memory of the story: for some reason I always thought frogs were falling out of the sky, but they weren’t. The frogs were just leaving the water and jumping all over –why is that really scary? Too bad Egyptians didn’t like eating frog legs.

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January 2025

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