Thursday, May 22, 2014

It is a rainy day today with gray and depressing skies but at least when we went out in the afternoon to go to Michaels and to get some fruit and veggies it wasn't raining. My head still feels all squeezed and unpleasant, which is not exactly fun, but I did still leave the house because I'm not going to let it defeat me. This feeling in my head, like I'm going to fall over at any point, comes on occasionally for no reason any doctor can detect - it started after I had vertigo six years ago and there are days where I just have to remind myself that I'll be fine, I just have to keep going. I'm really glad I don't need to go to work right now. It's probably something to do with blood pressure and my heart palpitations, I don't know but since I have had this on and off and times, I'm just going with it, hoping for it to pass soon.

I'm still reading a lot. A chapter a day for Hild is actually working out very well because I do like the language but it doesn't get too tiresome. And Mansfield Park is entertaining despite me rolling my eyes at the two main characters Edmund and Fanny. Edmund is just so self-righteous and feels like he was meant to be this 'perfect' guy but he is such a douche at times. And Fanny is just not that interesting. But there is definitely nice underlying snarkiness that I'm enjoying.

Living for a week with the in-laws is a little strange - I've never stayed this long before or mostly by myself without Bear having to interact this much. Also witnessing other parents' fighting and passive-agressive dynamics is a little uncomfortable at times. I'm used to my parents' moods and fighting not to pay attention but it does feel a little weird here to listen to this - I know them long enough, and they are family now but there is still a veneer of politeness because - in-laws. So it is a little strange.