I haven’t posted in two days because I saw them as pretty much lost days since I got obsessed with a new awesome fanfic site I found on Tuesday. It is all about Adama/Roslin, my new mushy obsession. (It doesn’t help that they are the cutest thing ever) Argh! This is why it is so dangerous for me to read fanfic, I let it take over my world because it is so nice and comfy. And I can’t just read for an hour or two, I need to devour and skim as much as possible. I recognize a pattern in myself. Since last Saturday when I had my headache/blood pressure spike and then followed by a week of heavy palpitations, I get down and depressed and fanfic is like comfort food. So I binge. Which then feeds the depression and it makes me feel terrible and fogs my head. And I recognize this but I still have a hard time stopping myself. I need to really tell myself, enough, go cold turkey again and clear my head. I had such a nice 38 days and it felt good to have focus, I need to remember this. I’m cutting myself off, again. This needs to stick. I feel like I need to come up with a reward system, perhaps, of some kind. And not resort to comfort reading when my palpitations get bad.
I did finally feel well enough (and it wasn’t raining) to go for a nice walk yesterday and today. Yesterday was Halloween (and Change of Time day, so it was an extra hour, it felt like). I saw a lot of little kids in cute costumes and some adults too. And we didn’t have many visitors for candy so we have lots of candy left over. Yay. Halloween has always been a fun holiday. I have three clear memories of Halloween in my sixteen years in America. (not to mention other Halloween’s like visiting College for the first time on Halloween) My first Halloween was when I was thirteen years old and had no idea what it was about. It was a Sunday and my ten year old friend, Vera, who lived on my block told me all about it and persuaded her parents to let us go trick-or-treating in the afternoon. Her parents, figuring I was older, let us do that, although her grandfather did trail us a half a block away. I didn’t have much money, much less money to buy a costume, so I made my own. I had these bright orange stockings, and a puffy white jacket. I made a cone hat and painted by cheeks red - I guess I was going for a silly clown. Vera got dressed as a gypsy. It was pretty cold but we had lots of fun and went door to door and got lots and lots of candy. It was pretty amazing for an introduction to this weird holiday. (when I was little we wore costumes for New Year kid parties only) The next clear Halloween memory was when I was fifteen and boyfriend and I went trick-and-treating in the evening. I don’t think I wore a costume, just my leather jacket and but he wore a Klingon mask. He was at least six feet tall at the time too, so I imagine the people who opened to door for us weren’t exactly comfortable. That added to our teenage amusement. The third Halloween memory is of couple of years ago. Bear picked me up for a Halloween themed weekend in LI. We met up with his friends and went to a pumpkin museum, which had lots and lots of unusual carvings and displays and the weather was nice and cool and very Octobery, and rainy. It was great. We then went to a haunted firehouse which was amazing. Not too scary, just one guy lunging with a chainsaw made me jump. We had to wait more than an hour to get in, but it was so worth it. The rooms were very elaborate and fancy. The next day Bear and I got pumpkins at this farm place and went back to his house to carve them. It was the first time (and only time) I carved a pumpkin. It was great, although his pumpkin was scarier than mine. But then Bear is an artist and has hand/eye coordination. That was a great Halloween weekend. Oh, I’m just remembering another amazing Halloween a year before. First, I got tickets to the original “Halloween” movie screening, it was one night only, and I knew how much Bear loves that movie. So Bear picked me up after teaching and off we went. We had Chinese food in the car and then saw it in the full movie theater of fans. (“Halloween” is actually the first movie we saw together, a few days before we were officially dating. I came over to his dorm room and he introduced me to it) The next day we had a Halloween party at my friend’s house. I was a sexy witch and Bear was Darth Vader. Tons of fun. This is too cute. ( Battlestar Galactica )